Feb 6, 2009


Fearlessly, I face my fears....

Today I will examine my fears without anxiety. Fear, more than anything else, can hold me in bondage. Fear can place chains around my soul and slow down my progress in life.

I can conquer fear. I can face my fears and work to overcome them.

I place my fears in the hands of my Higher Power, and fear diminishes, fear loses its hold on me. Centered in my Higher Power, I am free from worry and anxiety.

Today I release the small nagging fears and the overpowering threats that seem to have me in a vise.

Today I remember that I shall not fear, for my Higher Power is with me.

How's that saying go? "The only thing to fear is fear itself."

Through recovery I've realized that you can't just get over, you have to work through. I suppose that's one way of facing your fears. I had to "face up" to the fact that parental alcoholism had affected my life in a major way. Because of the instability me and each of my siblings grew up feeling, we continued to find more in our adult lives. I didn't realize this until coming to ACoA but we each took on the traits of an Adult Child.

When I came to ACoA I was already in counseling for abusive relationships. Admitting I needed counseling and making those weekly sessions took courage enough. Then applying what I was learning through the counseling was another sort of courage. My counselor said to me "You are going to go through agony, there will be flashbacks and set backs and a lot of emotional pain, but if you want to change your life around, you're gonna have to go through it all."

This was many years ago and she was so right.

In recovery I also learned we are never alone. Step #1 I "Let Go and let God" (or what I consider my Higher Power) wants to take over. I can remember the first time I experienced the weight being lifted off my mind and soul. I was walking on a path in a nearby woods and the sun was warm on my face. I remembered Step One. It felt like a risk like when you first hand over your baby to an anxious relative to hold. I pictured myself handing over all my worries, all my concerns and questions. And a tremendous weight was lifted. I felt comfort in knowing an all-knowing advisor was going to be helping me out and had offered to help me out. It took a lot of courage to do that. Sometimes I still would rather hold on. It takes courage to remind ourselves there is help out there, no one has to suffer alone.

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