But… are we different? Sometimes we react differently to situations from other people. Sometimes we procrastinate. Sometimes we get overwhelmed or even shaken up at moments in our lives. Sometimes we’re just confused about what we are thinking and feeling and feel alone.
Adult Children of Alcoholics just tend to feel different. Of course, we‘re individually different simply because we are as unique as the next person and this our unique qualities come from learning to develop our own personality.
Growth enhances one’s uniqueness and does not mean we are destined to be alone or lonely. We are individuals in our own right. And so we are different, but just because we may feel different, it doesn’t mean we are worthless!
Here are some ways to appreciate our uniqueness:
Respect yourself as you are, worthy of happiness and achievement.
Strive to survive life's challenges, both big and small. This may just reinforce your own confidence level!
Accept yourself both in your appearance and in your actions. Learn from mistakes and move on.
Begin a new challenge that expands your physical horizons.
Enjoy who you are.
Respect yourself for the accomplishment of surviving what life has brought your way thus far. Build upon that respect each day by seeking out the new challenges and achieving those that life presents to you. (Some of these borrowed from ehow)
I think it was from the DVD called:
ReplyDeleteOmer G.,The ACA Handbook presentation
that I heard that love is written in the ACA Text 400 times and fear is written 300 times. Love conquers Fear !
Yet, I was permanetly banned from the ACA WSO website by the same persons that wrote the ACA text. I don't feel the love there.
As an ACA I have to be very careful who I do my recovery with. No disrespect to some, but I have actually found the internet recovery seems to attract those with control issues, jobs like moderators etc...and often even higher levels of service /a.k.a. trusted servants...not always but often.
Knowing this is true and leanring from Tony A's book this helps me understand what goes on not only in the 12 step rooms but everywhere..
As Tony A. said something to this effect in his book The Launry List,"The heroes are usually the driving force in ACA and often need to sit in the back of the meetings and learn to be quiet."
I also love Tony A's honesty. I was so naive and maybe delusional I walked into sick situations over and over...even in recovery rooms.
The last on Tony A's list of sick families I feel maybe would be best first on the list.
20. "A sick family can be a person, a family, a community, a church, a Twelve-Step group, a state, a country, a therapy group, a world, and an entire universe."
from Tony A. - October 30, 1979
http://www.houstonadultchildren.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=58&Itemid=62
I have walked into many sick 12 step rooms and sadly because of my ACA issues I was not able to do anything about it.
When I came to ACA I thought I found home yet was abuse worse than in other fellowships. "We will love and encourage you no matter what" they read that in their new formats and from the ACA text sample format.
Today I have found my voice, I actually was so sick I had no choice. I have felt there is alot of sickness in recovery and many seem to want to keep "sick family secrets." in regards to what often goes on sometimes.
Maybe it is because of this new term I often hear of "Stock Holm Syndrome" or perhaps even trauma bond and "groupthink ?"
Yes, there is alot of recovery too in the rooms but I feel naive newcomers should recieve and honest warning about sick metings and sick groups.
I am still in therapy over this ACA experience I had. I felt abused at a world service level and it hurts like hell and it is/wasa avoidable...it is the groups job to keep us all safe,right..the fellowships job as a whole to provide safety,right?
As I have learned to love myself, set boundaries and insist they be honored I am doing better. I am also learning to love the sick ones in recovery too that perhaps have NPD, (narcissistic personality disorder) or maybe other serious disorders that use the 12 step programs to get their narcissist needs met.
Maybe I can't throw many stones myself...but overall I think this is why 12 step recover seems to be dying and I would like it to NOT die.
I could use many more healthy meetings...but maybe it is the unhealthy meetings that taught me the most?
Progress not perfection,
sparky
Sparky, your comment is unusual, I must say. It is the first time I have heard about not one but several bad experiences involving ACA fellowships.Its like when we seek out counseling and not every counselor we come in contact with we feel comfortable with. In fact, when I first decided to join ACA I went to several groups within my state to find the one I would feel most comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteIn recovery we are extremely vulnerable and prone to re-victimization, so it is important to choose a fellowship where we feel most comfortable and emotionally safe.
I'm sorry you had some bad experiences in your recovery journey. And yet that didn't stop you from recovering and learning.
Narcisstic Personality Disorder runs high in recovery groups, its also a common symptom of being so wounded as children of Alcoholics can be. It is a sad, sick disease and comes from the deepest blackest gaping hole in one's self esteem. Thanks for Sharing Tony A's quote that true heroes sit quiet in the back of the room. I think we do all our speaking out while we are still in recovery, possibly it is another step within our healing.
I am in agreement with you on Control freaks too, but that's not just the internet its all over!
Take care and feel free to comment on anything here anytime.
Progress not Perfection- So true!
I love your blog! Please follow mine..I just started it! http://dealingwithalcoholics.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI have felt some of the NPD in the rooms, but could not put my finger on what it was, so I appreciate you giving it a name and defining it. Wanting to stay positive is a big thing for me now in recovery as the bad thoughts can take you down in many ways. I am grateful to ACA, Alanon for so many things, but I have to say that some of the people are difficult at best. Becoming less sensitive is a long process and can make one bitter, this is a new awareness that I am trying to practice in even dealing with others in recovery.
ReplyDeleteYeah you are right thinking different doesn't mean it is worthless..And i agree the fact about adult children who usually take alcoholic think differently from the other one.
ReplyDelete