Feb 18, 2009

Setting limits

I have a clear, well-defined sense of myself...
Today I celebrate my boundaries, I celebrate my clearly-defined sense of self. As I progress in recovery, my fuzzy edges are becoming defined.
In my alcoholic home, it was never clear as to what was my responsibility and what was not. Cause and effect thinking was usually distorted. I felt that I caused events that had nothing to do with me. In the past, my damaged boundaries allowed me to take on others' pain and assume it as my own. It was never clear where I needed and others began.

Today I have a clearly-defined sense of me. I know what feelings are mine and what feelings belong to others. I know what is my responsibility and what is not.

Today I am beginning to establish my limits and say, " No, I won't!" and even, " You can't make me!" I can depend on my feelings and trust my body to establish and maintain my clear boundaries.

Song Lyrics!
I wrote this song a couple of months back ,thought I'd post the lyrics here for you:

want to reach me
get to know the person underneath this skin
want to know me
You need to knock I m not about to let just anyone in
where I end and you begin
is a line I've drawn
where You end and I begin
we need to agree upon
I've got boundaries
there's a part of me I can give to you if I choose
Boundaries are stopping me from giving all of me to you
or you to me

want to show me you're safe
it could take some time before I'm all right in your embrace
I've seen you coming
Don't know where you've been I only know where I am going
Its a right we are born with
a rule I like to live by
to stand our ground protect ourselves, do or die

I may have been burned before
not yet cool to the touch
Maybe I have been a fool
who let down her guard in a rush
oh but no more

I've known adult children and some recovered alcoholics who go to CODA, or codependents anonymous, because as the affirmation above states, sometimes our boundaries stay blurred into adulthood and this gets us into trouble. For example, we may allow people to abuse us or we may become people pleasers or both. We may give of ourselves to no end. Or we may step over other people's boundaries because we just want to help. Either way, we are unfulfilled and
at risk of attracting toxic unhealthy relationships.
Re-learning how to define our boundaries is not an easy task. Un-learning something and re-learning it never is. But In Aca we learn how to re parent ourselves and we are given the opportunity to create healthier habits.

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