Dec 23, 2020

Dear Younger Me, (where do I start?!)

Credit: Soldiers4Faith, Mercy Me


As an adult children of alcoholic, you may have a lot of regrets.

And, I'll be willing to bet they have much to do with how you grew up! 

Depending on where you are in life, what age you are, what stage of your recovery you're in,  you probably find it hard to forget the past.

I don't blame you.

Life stinks.
People hurt us, especially people that we love and we think love us too, we ask why, why?

I think of my family. Both parents were deeply wounded. Both decided to self-medicate (alcohol, sometimes drugs) instead of heal. In my opinion, they stalled their healing. And, as someone who has been lucky (I thank God every day) that I was able to get off the amusement park ride, and stop everything-- basically, to heal.

And I wonder if that is what happens with parents who don't heal. Maybe they have children and can't go off into the dark places to think, or to cry. I really think that healing is a life purpose. It requires time, it requires energy, and "brain pain".

It requires sailing far, far away from the shore of our comfort zone.

It is possible to do all that is necessary to fully heal-- change the negative tapes in our heads, surround ourselves with healthy people, learn self-care, and accept that our beliefs may not ever again sync up to the beliefs of our family members. That's a good thing!

In the video above, you'll see a  lot of phrases that maybe you tell yourself now or wish you could have told yourself when you were younger. But, that's just it: That's the innocence of youth! 

We learn as we go. For whatever reason, every single human is given the parents we are given, and often times we are hurt and broken down until we know better, and then we are helped, or we crushed and trapped underneath the weight of our past.

As  an adult child  of  an alcoholic, you were  dealt a bad hand.

So, what do you do to move forward?  Forgive and forget? Or, choose to focus on what we will never change, and risk staying stuck in feeling sorry for yourself? (Sorry.. that last statement is tinged with emotion because this is exactly what happened to my parent: Still drinks. Still commiserates.  In some days, it breaks my heart. On most days,  20 + years since I started on the healing journey, I'm reminded to choose better.  

Now, over to you. 
How is your healing journey coming? Can you relate to any of my words?

Much love and strength, 

"Even though I love this crazy life,

sometimes I wish is was a smoother ride."

- From Dear Younger Me, Mercy Me

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