Relationships

I no longer wish to manage others' impressions...

I will cultivate self-observations, and I will see how I interact with others. Today I will set about learning how I can have satisfactory relationships-- relationships that please me. In order to do that, I will observe myself in my dealings with people.

Today I will stop trying to manage the impressions people have of me. If I have "acted" my way through life, today I will start living. People will develop whatever opinions they have of me. I will stop trying to constantly make "good" impressions. I will stop trying to impress people in order to appear more worthwhile in their eyes.

I am developing a high degree of honesty and self-observation as I strive to change.

My take on this affirmation is maybe we are so used to seeking control in our out of control homes that we would rather try to control what others think of us. We're used to being shot down so maybe subconsciously we look to be . Our compulsion to people please leaves us vulnerable to dysfunctional relationships. We are so worried about acting as others expect us to act we forget to be ourselves. We must remember we can't please everyone at the same time, its impossible. Also, we are not being honest with ourselves if we don't allow ourselves the freedom to be who we are, regardless of what others think.

Disappointments

Day by Day I am changing...

Today I will turn all my present disappointments into new meaning for myself. The more I venture out and take risks in business, or with male/female relationships, new hobbies, new ideas-- the less fearful I become in my blocks in my road to recovery. These block can be turned around. I can turn all disappointments into thankful learning experiences. I will also trust my Higher Power will guide me through difficult obstacles and lead me on the right road.

In my alcoholic family, I suffered many disappointments. Now, in my recovery, I see that disappointments can teach me to be thoughtful and can spur me to persevere with my plans and projects.

I will not let obstacles set me back on my journey to recovery. Recognizing my power filled being, I depend only upon myself to change. And I do, day by day.

Independence

I declare my emotional independence from my parents...

I am coming to terms with the values and expectations that were imposed by my parents. The process of declaring my independence from my family continues on into adulthood. Today I give myself permission to emotionally separate from my family of origin.

Choosing different values and beliefs from those of my parents may cause me to feel guilty. I might need to reassure myself that I am not "letting my family down" by becoming an adult.

Deciding upon my own path is the most important task I must accomplish. If I allow guilt to stand in my way, I will have to face a life filled with resentment, suffocation and a diminished sense of my own worth.

I declare my emotional independednce from my parents today, with love and respect for them and for myself. I have the courage and wisdom to discern which valued and beliefs are useful to me and which I will no longer live by.

Setting limits

I have a clear, well-defined sense of myself...
Today I celebrate my boundaries, I celebrate my clearly-defined sense of self. As I progress in recovery, my fuzzy edges are becoming defined.

In my alcoholic home, it was never clear as to what was my responsibility and what was not. Cause and effect thinking was usually distorted. I felt that I caused events that had nothing to do with me. In the past, my damaged boundaries allowed me to take on others' pain and assume it as my own. It was never clear where I needed and others began.

Today I have a clearly-defined sense of me. I know what feelings are mine and what feelings belong to others. I know what is my responsibility and what is not.

Today I am beginning to establish my limits and say, " No, I won't!" and even, " You can't make me!" I can depend on my feelings and trust my body to establish and maintain my clear boundaries.

Song Lyrics!

I wrote this song a couple of months back ,thought I'd post the lyrics here for you:

"Boundaries"
You

want to reach me
get to know the person underneath this skin
You

want to know me
You need to knock I m not about to let just anyone in

where I end and you begin
is a line I've drawn
where You end and I begin
we need to agree upon

Chorus:
I've got boundaries
there's a part of me I can give to you if I choose
Boundaries are stopping me from giving all of me to you
or you to me
Boundaries

You

want to show me you're safe
it could take some time before I'm all right in your embrace
Maybe

I've seen you coming
Don't know where you've been I only know where I am going

Its a right we are born with
a rule I like to live by
to stand our ground protect ourselves, do or die

I may have been burned before
not yet cool to the touch
Maybe I have been a fool
who let down her guard in a rush
oh but no more
chorus

I've known adult children and some recovered alcoholics who go to CODA, or codependents anonymous, because as the affirmation above states, sometimes our boundaries stay blurred into adulthood and this gets us into trouble. For example, we may allow people to abuse us or we may become people pleasers or both. We may give of ourselves to no end. Or we may step over other people's boundaries because we just want to help. Either way, we are unfulfilled and

at risk of attracting toxic unhealthy relationships.

Re-learning how to define our boundaries is not an easy task. Un-learning something and re-learning it never is. But In Aca we learn how to re parent ourselves and we are given the opportunity to create healthier habits.